I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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