You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
