Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had sex on a dog bed..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
