I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
