i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
