you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
