dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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