i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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