my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you had me at cake vodka
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
