9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
