Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize