Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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