she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
