He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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