Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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