Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
