Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
