i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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