What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
