I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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