im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
