Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
