If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im holly from the hills drunk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
