when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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