Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
