She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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