I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
