just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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