i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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