You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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