I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how does that bad decision feel?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize