Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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