Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
