you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
