Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize