I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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