he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
that is very illegal...i love you.
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