you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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