That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
