I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
