If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
