you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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