the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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