me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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