Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
