Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
