After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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