Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
