Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
