so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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