the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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