Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
