Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
