u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
