I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
