So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
