he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
