If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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