pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
