we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
