after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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