Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
