Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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