I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
