True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
