Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
