So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
