I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
