Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
