I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
