How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize