the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
